late bloomer

I have always felt like the outsider, the watcher, the listener, a dreamer.  At times, it has been painful to feel left out and be the girl who did not get asked to the dance, to be a woman with a failed marriage, but I am the one who always chooses her own path, and my greatest joys have come from following my own heart.
 
I grew up in rural Montana, and it was unheard of for girls like me to move far away from home to attend college.  It was unheard of for a girl like me to be a published poet.  It was unheard of for girls like me to expect respect and protection.  It was unheard of for girls like me to rise up and be heard.  But I dared to defy the status quo.
 
Why?  Mostly, because being an outsider gave me a sense that I had nothing to lose, so I might as well do what I want.
 
I must remember this.  I’m venturing into uncharted waters in so many areas of my life by starting my own businesses, becoming a yoga teacher, deciding to make documentaries, and I must remember the most basic and ultimate paradox of my life.
 
The more I’m willing to be myself, the more I’m willing to fail, the more I’m willing to be unliked & unpopular, the more I actually connect to others.  I’ll never fit in unless I’m willing to be myself.
 
I’m 44.  I’m absolutely a late bloomer.  I’m still becoming who I’m meant to be.  May we all have the guts to be still enough to listen to our own hearts.  May be all be brave enough to look foolish.  May we all be strong enough to rise up against the voices of self doubt in our own heads.  May we be willing to be alone in order to remember that we are never alone.