'cause I bring something to the table

​At this point, I struggle to keep my hopes up about men.  Part of me thinks that it’s my nature to get my hopes up because I don’t want to be fricken’ Eeyore, but at the same time, it takes a while to get to know someone.
 
Things should be great in the beginning of a relationship.  We should be ourselves, but we should also be putting our best foot forward.  I went on one date, it was my second date with a guy who I thought could have boyfriend potential, and he kept farting after dinner.  I didn’t count, but I’m guessing he farted more than 50 times.  Thank God we were outside.
 
We should be ourselves, but we shouldn’t get farting comfortable on a second date.  Dating has been an adventure.  There was one guy who called me from the toilet.  I answered the phone and heard some weird noises.  He heard my voice saying hello, and realized he butt dialed me from the toilet. It was an accident, and we both later laughed, but after one date, he was a no.
 
Sometimes, I think I’m being too picky, but then I have to remind myself that honesty and thoughtfulness is not too much to ask for.  Those are two things I bring to the table in all my relationships be they romantic or just friends. 
 
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I have to offer a man.  I’m intelligent, funny, fun, adventurous, thoughtful, honest, ambitious, hardworking, stupidly loyal, and kind, and I ain’t bad looking. These things are not too much to expect in return.  May we all take a good inventory of what we bring to the table, and may we remember such good things as the things we offer are not too much to expect in return, and may we not eat foods on a date that make us fart uncontrollably.