No matter what’s going on, you have blessings. I have blessings. In the last year, I have had some very painful disappointments to the extent that I questioned my faith in God.
For my entire life, as long as I could speak words, I have instinctively prayed. There were many dark moments where prayer was my only solace.
Yet, what happens when ugly, terrible things happen, and it feels like our prayers are not answered? Why keep believing? Why keep asking?
Part of me thinks we call certain experiences to us, so our soul can learn something from those experiences. Yet, part of me thinks that evil is an active force, and we must not let anything take our faith away from the good that exists within us or in our lives.
This year has tested me. I left a toxic job. I had a boyfriend who I thought was the kindest man I’d ever met, and I had to break up with him because he wasn’t. I was attacked. I had a cancer scare, and I had to let go of some friends I dearly loved because they will never be as good to me as I was to them.
I’m no holy roller or born again, but I decided I must deepen my faith when things look the darkest. I believe what we water grows, so I decided to focus on my blessings because my blessings are real, and there are many.
Does this mean that I was in denial about the unpleasant events this past year? No. It means that I faced them. It means I found out who my real friends are. It means I asked for help when I needed it.
Focusing on my blessings means I don’t use misfortune as my calling card or identity. I don’t trust people who introduce themselves by all the bad things that happened to them. I don’t trust people who smile all the time either. I trust people gradually, over time by getting to know them. I trust people who are real.
Each night as I write in my gratitude journal, I’m learning to trust myself a little more, and trust in the universe a little more, and trust that no matter what happened that my blessings are real and many. Each morning, when I wake, I pray because I decided I’d rather live my life having faith in goodness and love.
I hope my blog inspires you to believe in yourself more and feel less alone in the world. I, for one, am inspired by the imperfections of others who continue to rise up again and again despite life's challenges. May we find ways to inspire and support each other.