if it matters to you

​I do not like hurting other people’s feelings, but I no longer think other people’s feelings are more important than mine.  This was a huge revelation for me especially in romantic relationships.  I learned, the hard way, that I did not have to or need to be the one who made all the sacrifices or the one who did all the work.
 
Making all the sacrifices and working like a maniac didn’t earn me anything except exhaustion, resentment, and unhealthiness. Not love.  I’m a giver and a nurturer, but I don’t have to give all of myself to everyone else.
 
I can save some of my time and affection for me. The world will not end if I spend a day going nowhere, doing nothing or sleeping in.  I don’t often give these things to myself, but sometimes, I just need to do nothing.
 
Other times, I need to do something that I enjoy just because I enjoy it.  Last summer, I ran a 10k.  Sometimes, the only time I had to do my miles was when the sun was out full force.  As I huffed and puffed past Dairy Queen where people weren’t breathing hard and sweating, I thought, why am I doing this?
 
I realized I was running because it mattered to me, and that was enough.  I wasn’t running as a punishment, or to prove my self-worth.  I just wanted to feel the satisfaction of completing a 10k.
 
It’s okay if I do something that matters to me.  It’s okay if I stay home on a Saturday night and eat chips and salsa with my son and wear my pajamas all day. 
 
When I was in romantic relationships in the past, I too often found myself ignoring my own wants because of someone else’s preferences, and all I did was hurt myself.  This time that I have to myself is a gift, and I’m fortifying myself, gathering my strength.  Being more of myself and liking what I like will benefit every aspect of my life.
 
Tomorrow is the 4th of July.  I hope you spend it celebrating your own independence to do what matters to you.  If something is important to you, it matters.