In 2016, I learned a lot of hard, painful, but beautiful lessons that bring me closer to who I really am. In 2016, I went from being a high school English teacher working in a rural school near the Canadian border (so rural that my cell phone didn’t work there) to being gainfully employed other in meaningful work, to becoming a life coach, and to starting a yoga teacher training program.
Most of the things I did and am in the process of doing have been like a boiling off, a stripping away. I have been letting go of some old crutches, and I have fallen on my ass more than a few times. Hard. Okay, here are a few examples of me falling on my ass. I gained weight and bought lots of fake cheese in a jar for my tortilla chips. I “danced” with a few toxic selfish men, and told myself I wouldn’t get hurt. I hardly got any writing done. I treated people the way I wanted to be treated, with acceptance, kindness and encouragement, and I felt deeply betrayed when I realized that they are not capable of treating me that way back. But. After I fell on my ass hard enough to knock the wind out of me, I got back up. I learned that eating well is a process, and after one bad meal to start over, and start over. I decided to let myself feel lonely instead of reaching for easy, but toxic companionship which has been so, so hard. I’m writing something today. I decided to keep treating people the way I want to be treated. But, I also decided to acknowledge that some people cannot be who I wish them to be. I can voice my expectations/boundaries, and if people say no, then I can say no too, and let them float away. On a much more positive note, 2016 has been so fucking awesome in ways that I never could have predicted or planned for. I have a weekly Skype call with an amazing friend who has helped and encouraged me in beautiful and profound ways. I’m connected to people around the world who are also seekers on a path to more self-love and acceptance. I have discovered so much truth and wisdom in yoga that sometimes that I have literally felt like hugging random strangers. I love my yoga training and the wonderful people I have met though this. I moved home and reconnected to some really great friends who are a blessing to my existence. I had poems published. I started losing weight. I asked for and am receiving help on my own wellness path. I am becoming more of myself. I am becoming more comfortable with change, and I’m working on letting go of expectations. I’m becoming more open. What will 2017 bring? I have no idea, but I look forward with an open heart to finding out, and when I falter and fall on my ass, I’ll get back up. When I need help, I’ll ask for it. When acts of grace float into my hands, I will open my arms wider and blow kisses to the heavens. Most of all, may I be grateful for everything good and beautiful thing, and may I be grateful for every lesson that brings me closer to who I really am.
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AuthorI hope my blog inspires you to believe in yourself more and feel less alone in the world. I, for one, am inspired by the imperfections of others who continue to rise up again and again despite life's challenges. May we find ways to inspire and support each other. Archives
July 2020
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